The Power of Role Models for Single Women
When I was single in my 20’s and 30’s, navigating my life without a partner or children, I often felt like I was on an island. While my friends—both straight and gay—found partners, got married, or started families, my social circle gradually shrank. It wasn’t just about feeling left out; it was the unsettling sense that my life path was somehow “less than.”
In the 2000s and 2010s, few public figures, TV shows, or role models reflected my life stage—single, never married, and child-free (other than the ladies of SATC, Oprah, and Jennifer Anniston after the Brad/Angelina debacle). Women like me were often portrayed as incomplete—as if our full potential could only be realized through partnership or motherhood. I felt that absence deeply, and it amplified my own feelings of shame and uncertainty.
I spent too many years judging myself harshly for not being where I "should" be. Shame weighed me down, and I believed that being single was a reflection of some personal failing, or it was just not in the cards for me. I didn’t realize at the time that shame thrives in silence. As one of my current role models, Brené Brown, wisely says, "Shame cannot survive being spoken." I wish I had been kinder to myself and “owned it” more during those tough years.
Committing to the inner work—therapy, energetic healing, and deep self-reflection—I was able to recognize that my life was rich in so many other ways. I had a fulfilling career, meaningful friendships across the globe and from all stages of life, close family ties, and countless memorable experiences via travel and adventure. And while I could celebrate and appreciate all of this, I was fixated on what I didn’t have: a loving, long-term relationship. That focus overshadowed everything else.
One therapist’s words shifted my perspective profoundly. She pointed out how full my life already was and encouraged me to embrace that instead of diminishing it. It wasn’t about giving up on love—it was about recognizing that I was already whole, even without a partner.
Today, things are different. There are now far more women living boldly on their own terms, and their stories are visible. I’m especially inspired by my matchmaking certification coach, Rachel Russo. As a single mom and long-time matchmaker, she started a local Solo Mom Support Group and Single Matchmakers Workshops & Strategy Circle, bringing together other single matchmakers to support one another!
Public figures celebrate careers, passions, and friendships as meaningful markers of fulfillment, challenging outdated notions that happiness hinges on marriage or children.
Younger generations are witnessing these powerful examples and realizing they, too, can build full, satisfying lives—whether or not those include a romantic partner or kids. The message is clear: fulfillment doesn’t look the same for everyone, and that’s OK.
If you’re single and feeling the weight of societal pressure, know that you’re not alone—and you are enough, exactly as you are. Build a life that excites you, surround yourself with people who uplift you, and trust that love can enter your life at the right time. But never let that longing for partnership diminish the incredible person you already are.
A concept I wish I’d embraced sooner is Mel Robbins’ "The Let Them Theory”. People will judge, question, or misunderstand you at times. Let them. Their opinions don’t define you. “Let me” focus on the relationships, activities, and experiences that light you up.
Be kind to yourself. The journey to love should never come at the cost of your self-worth.
Because being whole isn’t about finding someone else—it’s about embracing all the amazing pieces that make you, you.
Let’s talk.
XO, Lisa
